My Blog

the truth shall set you free. whew, who would wish to argue with the bible? (well, i know a few people who would dare to, but most of them would rather avoid being branded as satan’s child or simply insane, hehehe.) but it is always sweeter to hear than actually done. at one point or more in our lives, we would all hide some truths. i am not speaking though for the pathological liars that we ocassionally bump into everyday.

more often than not, we conceal the truth when we know it would hurt the ones dearest to us. yes, it would put us to crucifixion, too. but the hardest part really is to break the heart of the people we love. our own heart would then be the grave of these secrets that we dare to keep up to the last strand of our will. holding on is never an easy task. maybe even harder than the actual consequences of spilling out the bean.

but we keep on holding on… for as long as we could.

had you ever experienced being asked by someone and you just could not say a thing? because whatever you say could either crucify you or take your self respect away…

how could you ever lie to the one so dearest? silence would be your only refuge. but as the clock keeps on ticking, your very being is put to a test you are certain you could never pass.

“…sadder than sad…” and so the song goes. how could one be sadder than sad? that’s unimaginable feeling of loneliness. bluer than blue? and what would that be?

there are things that are really meant to be. one could always argue that he commands his destiny but would wake up one day realizing not everything went according to his finely crafted plan. and that is the candidness of life. no writer is holding a pen leading to a bestseller plot. there are pains. there are failures. but the uncertainties of everyday journey provide the magical color in existence. and living beyond it.

i tried hard to buy a sleep last night. i even resorted with a close encounter with a male saint. but alas, i just had my back felt my bed well. it ended up that i was just waiting for the dawn break.

well, it was a looong monday, after all. not so unproductive as i reviewed the things that i did. but really just another boring day for me! i don’t know what the hell is happening to me. i think i’m on it again.

damn, i am too old for this.

sa saliw ng banyagang wika ng mga kawkasyanong naghuhuntahan ukol sa komplikadong linggong nagdaan sa bansang pinili nilang maging tirahan ay natagpuang muli ng aking mga daliri ang sutla ng mga tiklado ng aking kompyuter na naluluma na sa pag-iral para sa pantawid-gutom at uhaw sa kasayahan. naalala ko ang aking lolong si cicero, di mo nga naman maibabahagi ang bagay na wala sa iyo.

nakakabaliw ang piniling landas ng aking mga paa. isang lansangan na walang direksyon at lahat ay wala sa katinuan. bago ko mamalayan, pagod na pala ako at wala na akong naisalbang lakas para magpatuloy sa walang patutunguhang paglalakbay. nasaan na nga ba ako? gaano na ba kalayo ang aking narating? nagkaroon ba ng kabuluhan ang aking pag-iral?

tunay na mahirap ang komprontasyon sa iyong sarili. para kang nakikipasuntukan sa iyong anino. pinipiga ng magkakahalong emosyon ang buo mong pagkakatao at magsasabi sa iyong “ikaw ay walang kabuluhan”. natutunan ko sa isang bagong kaibigan ang isang importanteng aral na sapat siguro upang ituloy ko pa ang paglalakad.

wala pa akong natatanaw na liwanag sa dulo ng lagusan. sumusuko na ang aking mapagkunwaring lakas. pero sisikapin ko pa ring buhatin ang aking mga namimigat na paa. isang hakbang bawat isang pagkakataon. walang direksyon. suntok sa buwan. nawa’y may marating. nawa’y magkaroon ng kabuluhan…

falling is not but gravity and the object hitting the ground. it is also the height and the time in suspension. the weight of the object is also material, as much as the impact when it finally lands. worse, falling also takes down with it much more considerations. who witnessed the fall? who heard about it? and much much more…

so many complications in supposed so simple word. and mr. webster failed to offer the complete meaning…

kapag nakapinid na ang pintuan ng langit
at ang mga tala ay di na makasilip
ang buwan man ay tuluyan nang naidlip
nailibing na ng lungkot sa gabing madilim

bakit ang oras ay pasulong lamang?
samantalang naibabalik naman ang kamay ng orasan
bakit di magawang ulitin ang panahon?
gayong parang kailan lang naman ang kahapon

may mga pangarap na di kaya ng himala
maging sa panaginip ay ipinagluluksa
kalungkutang paulit-ulit kumikitil sa pag-asa
nakasalig sa pait, dinidilig ng luha

panunghan mo o buwan sa gilid ng bangin
ang dalit ng sawi sa kandungan ng anghel
binigyang-laya ang mapangarap na damdamin
kapalit ma’y dusa at laksang panimdim

tulad ng isang bulalakaw, ako’y lilipad
nagliliyab man ang aking katawan
at masulyapan lamang ng aking pangarap,
maligaya nang sasanib sa tahimik na kawalan

it is damned right that we should not be held hostage by new technology. but reality tells us that we actually are. cellphones almost rule our world. even in the middle of our comfort room rituals or lovemaking fancies, a familiar tone would disturb our privacy. nobody is unreacheable as long as his cp is alive and there is signal in his place.

i could only recall when having a landline is a status symbol. requesting for one took even the most influential local businessman or politician months to have a line. then cellphones, from analog to 3g, almost reduced pldt from a blue chip to a struggling has been. good for them, smart and tnt are their subsidiaries.

i am not really in the mood to write further about this techno blah blah,  but i was moved to after being asked by a complete stranger begged me for pasaload in the mall yesterday saying she had to reply to an urgent text and she’ll to late if she would wait for her turn in long line in the loading station. i was shaking my head as the good samaritan in me forwarded a few to the lady. later, i had to fall in line in the loading station, too.

cellphones are manufactured for users’ convenience as in multi-functional like the once popular swiss knife. but who’s the slave or the master? most of us can’t live without a cp. i tried turning off mine for 24 hours a few months back and i almost lost my job. i nearly crashed recently after i took an important call while driving a motorcycle on a rush hour.

my cellphone used to be a cool gadget, exactly three years ago. now it’s jurassic! it’s features are inferior even compared with the ones 1/3 its original price. i would not complain had i could call or text as i wish. but alas, at least 3 keys are not working well. one is dead!

i’m thinking if i would buy a new one or spend a few hundreds to get this old stuff in good working condition again. but the real problem i’m damned broke today, hehehe. maybe before my next blog, i would know what to do…

i’m now walking over the edge of a cliff. an acrophobic enjoying the view from above while holding my shaking knees in place. well, i used to tell my lady friends that falling down (syempre, di naman pwedeng up di ba?!) from a cliff is not so much an accident, especially if you have a choice not to be there. but as an enchanted moth would take a kamikaze dive into the flame everytime he sees one glowing in the dark, we often choose to walk through a path of danger.

somebody would always say, that is life. or more accurately, that’s human nature. come to think it, the philosophers of the past haven’t heard anything about journalism, or maybe they were to bright for that matter, but should they read a few books, they could not have wasted much words in theories and parables in sending us the message that the battle really in this sailing called life is within ourselves. and if we master how to fight and win in battling with ourselves, everything outside is just a piece of cake.

i recently bumped into an old pal and a comrade in pen in the mall. he hit the headlines a few weeks back, not as the scoop reporter, but as a news subject. he survived an ambush and is still recuperating physically and emotionally. much has been talked about the incident, mainly because election season was at peak then and even what the captured fly told to the hungry spider almost has something to do with politics, but im glad the big guy seemed well and could be bolder when he’s got in his feet 100%.

but more recently, i had a text message saying a beer buddy and fellow ink-dependent got mauled while doing his ware. up to now, i have not heard his piece of mind, but i know the guy is more than upset, to say the very least.

i’m not really privy to the whole story but i’m really worried with those developments. whether the line of responsibility was crossed or not, media people must not be dealt with force. there are venues for that. holding the pen or the microphone is never an easy task. " … in great power comes great responsibility," said Ben Parker. They are the guys who braved everything, including everyday harassment, character assassination and minimal paycheck, just to inform and be the mouthpiece of the masses in relevant issues they could only take the sores after smoke has cleared. i don’t think any media practitioner deserves to be treated this way.

in this curruption-infested bureaucracy where conspiracy is an everyday fancy, the media tips the balance. i think we should be proud that despite being "honored" as the rival of iraq as the country most dangerous to practice journalism at, these endanged species with nothing but guts and press ids still stand firm in our unsafe grounds.

i’m calling on to all brothers and sisters in pen, to condemn by heart and soul all kinds of abuse against the media. more than the constitutional rights of the people to free expression and information, it is our damned right to work and live which are on the line here. if we don’t care enough for our brethren, who would ever dare? the crooked guys in power we all vow to destroy? oh, come on, charity begins at home.

it’s monday, let us all start the week right. padayon!